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Soundtrack of a Divorce
Jun 16
Well, it's over (although not really since I've pre-written this blog post). Throughout my entire divorce I've been tracking the music I've been listening to just out of curiosity, via Facebook's iLike application. The app allows me to choose the songs I'm listening to which I've done for the past 7 months now. And now on to this glorious 7 month in the making blog post -
November - The Beginning
It all started November 1st, 2008, the day we went our separate ways. The soundtrack, literally, to this brief moment in time was hands down the CD "Class of 98 by 98 Mute"
The song I listened to on repeat was "Short Fuse" because that's more or less how I felt for that hour or so. I also listened to "Election Year" a lot because, it was after all election time, and that song captured much of the same energy and anger that "Short Fuse" also had. 98 Mute is a 90's hardcore punk band and I usually only listen to them when in a terrible mood.
November - Second Half
After a more hardcore styled start to my 7 month journey I moved on to some of Blink-182's more emo-ish songs and also started listening to Creed for the first time in my life. Most of the Creed songs were quite depressing and I've always felt, that to get over depression, you need to "fully go through it" i.e get it all out of your system usually by crying it out. The Creed songs pretty much sucked it right out of me especially "One Last Breath". I also listened to "One" & "My Own Prison" quite a bit.
December
After much of that very depressing music for some reason I moved on to something a bit more upbeat with The Mighty Mighty Bosstones (MMB) & Bob Marley. My MMB CD I was listening to was a CD I owned for a long time but never bothered to listen to. I found that many of the songs on it were really good and this cheered me up briefly.
Then there was my "One Love: The Very Best of Bob Marley & the Wailers" CD which I had got from my brother in-law Nick. This would be a reoccurring CD throughout the entire divorce. Whenever life got hard I turned to my Bob Marley CD. "Three Little Birds", was my theme song and the song Will Smith listens to throughout the movie "I Am Legend". The song also had great, reassuring lyrics such as:
Don't worry, about a thing. Cause every little thing, gonna be alright
Bob Marley calmed me down and kept me straight lined throughout the whole process. This was a CD I listened to pretty much the entire 7 months.
December - January
I next moved on to another CD I owned but didn't listen to frequently which was "The Swiss Army Romance by Dashboard Confessional". This is an all acoustic CD which is something I usually don't listen to but the lyrics on this CD are just awesome and the acoustic guitars play in an unusual way. One song that really stuck out was "Turpentine Chaser". At this time I let my guard down and started noticing girls again, which was a huge mistake for me at this juncture. I think the lyrics below explain how I was feeling, essentially just wanting to being with someone just for the sake of it but at the same time, really just wanting to be left alone.
All I want, is not to need you now / All I want are vows of silence now
Another great song was "Again I Go Unnoticed" which ties into what I was talking about above. After my stint with Dashboard Confessional I realized that being single is really the best and only choice for me.
January - February
Now it was January, which was below zero almost the entire month! (Most people seem to forget that now in June and feel like complaining about 60 degree weather). The car I was driving at the time sucked really really bad at playing CDs when it was cold out. For some reason the only CD I was able to get to play was "Full Collapse by Thursday". Thursday is an emo band or more like the emo band. Their music is very depressing, but at the same time I think that accurately describe me during those cold months.
The song I listened to over and over again on this CD was hands down "Standing On The Edge Of Summer". Just the title alone, described me, i.e. waiting for my divorce to be final in summer. This first set of lyrics reminded me how fast the years leading up to my marriage went, and then how quickly it seemed to end:
Driving in your car, Miss the stop sign, fall in love...Just to get knocked down
The next set of lyrics alludes to how fragile my relationship was and the fact that we had recently bought a house:
In this house of cards we're all holding hearts and spades. (One breath, one step could knock it all down)
And more alliterations to "a deck of cards" and the demise of our relationship:
When the people you love get lost in the shuffle, (When you leave, you leave nothing but broken hearts)
I also listened to "Stay What You Are by Saves the Day" a lot during this period. Their lyrics are a bit more angry and less elegant than Thursday's but still a good listen.
March & April
For the months of March and April I started listening to some more positive upbeat music in the form of pop-punk. I discovered a great Blink-182-esque CD from Britain called "Welcome to Loserville by Son of Dork". I also started listening to my "Mmhmm CD by Relient K" and later my "A Hangover You Don't Deserve by Bowling for Soup". All of these are really poppy upbeat CDs. I think I was doing this to try to counteract my less than optimistic outlook on my job because it seemed certain that our company was going to go through another set of layoffs. By April the layoffs didn't come but I stuck with the pop-punk music.
May
For the month of May I continued to listen to pop-punk but for this month it was some of my faster, more technical guitar laden music. This was due to the fact that I started playing guitar again, for the first time since early November. Two of my all-time favorite speed pop-punk CDs are "Cheshire Cat by Blink-182" & "Perhaps, I Suppose by Rufio". I admire Tom Delonge's work on Cheshire Cat and still feel that it's the best Blink-182 CD despite some of the more mainstream CDs they have released.
The Month of May was a relatively exciting month because I was getting a lot of movement on my house and the divorce appeared to be moving along smoothly without any problems.
June - The Final Month
The countdown to June 15th began but almost as quickly as I started the timer, a giant roadblock appeared. Despite the problems I was facing, unlike earlier in the year when I would have turned to some angrier music I kept my cool and turned to Ska, which is like really fast reggae with horns and is generally very upbeat and happy. I turned to my CDs "Throwing The Game by Lucky Boys Confusion" & "Why Do They Rock So Hard by Reel Big Fish". "Why do they Rock so Hard?" was the first ska CD I ever bought and I still consider it the best. It is also the most upbeat CD I own and it's almost impossible to feel sad or depressed when listening to it. The "Throwing The Game" CD is also very upbeat.
Today
And so that brings me to today, 7 months later. Looking back I can see a trend with the style of music I listened to through the 7 months. In the beginning it was angry, hardcore punk. Then depressing emo during the winter months moving on to happier pop-punk during spring and finally upbeat, happy ska once summer hit. The style of music I listened to had less to do with the season and more with me healing from the breakup.
The Soundtrack to My Divorce
- 98 Mute - Short Fuse
- 98 Mute - Election Year
- Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps
- Creed - One Last Breath
- The Mighty Mighty Bosstones - Toxic Toast
- Bob Marley - Three Little Birds
- Bob Marley - Could You Be Loved?
- Dashboard Confessional - Turpentine Chaser
- Thursday - Standing On The Edge Of Summer
- Thursday - I Am The Killer
- Saves The Day - At Your Funeral
- Son Of Dork - Slacker
- Blink-182 - Touchdown Boy
- Rufio - Dipshit
- Lucky Boys Confusion - Child's Play
- Reel Big Fish - Down In Flames
Well I hope you enjoyed my little research experiment and I applaud you for caring enough to read this far! Perhaps you've even bothered to click-through on a few CDs to get inside my musical psyche. Thanks for reading!
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Posted By: Neal Grosskopf @ 6/16/2009 5:58:57 PM
Uncle Neal
Jun 8
Well, I am officially an uncle. My sister Kate, gave birth to a baby boy June 6th (D-Day) at 3:30am named Liam Daniel Hurst. He weighed 7lb 11oz. He came about two weeks early so I was a bit surprised when my mom called to say Kate was in the hospital. For some reason I always hear about false alarms with child berthing so I wrote it off as that at first. She ended up giving berth to him overnight and she seemed to have handled it pretty darn well. Way to go sis!
Believe it or not I've never actually held a baby before (that I can remember) so I decided that he would be the first, being an immediate family member. I just try to be overly cautious with babies, so I held him on a pillow sitting down, and he was all wrapped up good and tight in a blanket.
I posted some pictures of him in my Photo Gallery section and I also posted a video in my Open Videos section. The video may not be too exciting but it does give a good representation of him which is all I was interested in.
The thought just occurred to me, maybe someday when he's older, he'll read this exact blog post online. How cool! Hello from 2009 dude!
Well that's all for now.
Fin.
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Posted By: Neal Grosskopf @ 6/8/2009 7:30:34 PM
Off The Grid
May 26
Well, my three day weekend is over and it's back to work again. For Memorial Day weekend I went up north with my family to our cabin in Bowler, WI. It's nice to finally be able to go up to the cabin again. For the past several years I probably made it up there less, than I have in the past couple months, so I'm making up for lost time.
I rode our four-wheeler around quite a bit, even running it through some big mud puddles and such. I also got the chance to take a bunch of photos and shoot some videos of the cabin and natural surroundings. To check out some photos from this weekend take a look at my photo gallery section. I also added some new photos to my wallpaper section of my website.
I finally got to do some shooting up at the cabin and we also did a 21 gun salute for my Grandpa, whose ashes were spread up north, and for other veterans. Overall it was a great weekend.
In other news, I saw the new Star Trek movie the other weekend and it was pretty awesome. I'd recommend anybody remotely interested in Star Trek go and check it out. Even if you don't like Star Trek I think there's a chance you could still like the movie as it was made to appeal to more people than previous work. I wrote up a review on it if you want to know more.
In house news, I had three separate people look at my house last week. I'm not really sure why I had so many at once but I don't think much will come out of them. Only one showing looked promising, which the people said they were interested in the house but just put their house on the market.
Live Long and Prosper
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Posted By: Neal Grosskopf @ 5/26/2009 7:17:44 PM
10% Fired
May 2
I usually shy away from writing too much about work happenings on my blog, mainly because I used to switch jobs so often in the past that I tried not to expose too much to future employers, but I've more or less settled down now and would like to continue working at my current job for as long as they'll permit me to.
With that said, we found out Friday that they are cutting everyone's salaries by 10% for the next 3 months, and possibly further if sales don't improve. Our company seemed to be doing ok, at least from what limited knowledge I had. We had two layoffs back last November & December but no further layoffs since then. I was a bit surprised, and disheartened when I found out my paycheck would be 10% less each month.
I suppose the alternative would have been laying off another 30 or so people and our staff, at least in my department, is already bare bones with each of us very specialized in our job duties. This leads me to wonder who we could have possibly even let go had that been the route taken.
Mint.com To The Rescue...Sort Of
The 10% less is going to be really hard on me to make my monthly payments. In April, I made a major effort trying to scrape up some more money using my favorite budget tool Mint.com. Mint.com imports your debit card transactions and groups them into categories. You can then trend these categories from month to month seeing where your money went. I highly recommend the site for someone keeping a tight budget as it helps you identify where all your money is going. By doing this you can then make the necessary adjustments in the following months to spend less in that particular category. It also allows tagging, which I use to identify excess or wasteful spending. For the month of April I managed to get my excess spending down to $6. In past months it was much, much higher than that. This is what depresses me the most, I spent $6 in excess spending in April only to get my pay cut by 10%.
Car Swap
In April, I also proposed swapping cars with Emily, a deal that benefited both of us. The car I was driving had her name on the title and I was paying her Mom for it. The car she was driving had a higher monthly payment and had both our names on the title. We swapped cars and I sold my car to my Uncle Harry (Thanks Harry!). Since I was carless my parents decided to borrow me their car until I could save up some money for my own. This was to save me $100 a month by not having a car payment anymore.
Who Needs Retirement
The other cost saving measure I took was zeroing out my 401k deduction from my paychecks. I had it at a reasonable amount but in order to save more money a month I bottomed it out.
A Futile Effort
Unfortunately all of this was a futile effort, because I've now taken one step forward and two steps back. I'm probably being melodramatic, but it's my blog so let me whine! I think, with the paycut I'm going to end up being worse off than where I started. It's to bad I could forfeit my health insurance or some other useless benefit that I don't use in order to gain my 10% back, but I guess I'll just have to be even tighter with my money from now on. Heck maybe I can save that $6 in excess spending next month.
Really, the bain of my existence is my house, my life's second biggest mistake. If I could just sell my house, life would be dramatically different. While I really like my house, and being in it, it isn't helping me paying 2x the amount I could pay for a lush apartment.
Well, I think I'm finished complaining for now. Thanks for reading the whole thing.
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Posted By: Neal Grosskopf @ 5/2/2009 8:09:54 PM
Content Is King
Apr 18
Well, It's been a full month now since my last blog post so I apologize for not posting something sooner. Frankly, I would post more blog posts, more often, but I don't have a lot to talk about, well I don't have a lot I can talk about.
I thought I would write a blog about my website over the past year now. A little over a year ago it was really just a place for family and friends to chat with one another but that all changed in March of 2008 when I started writing my Geek Speak Articles. Now my website is 10% family and friends (and that's probably even lower now that I lost a family member that posted quite frequently) and 90% Geek Speak Articles.
Content Is King
Take a look at my visits graph from January 2008 to March of 2009. I started writing articles in March of 2008 and we can see what a big difference that made in my traffic:
Then in October of 2008 it all changed with my CSS Browser Hacks article which basically shot my website into a whole nother' echelon. I guess the point I'm trying to make is if you want to have a successful website, you need to give people a reason to visit it, and I've found that content is king. The articles that I wrote are the primary reason people visited my site and continue to be.
Search Engine Optimization
Another big contributor to my site's success has been the search engine optimization (SEO) that I've applied to it. Basically what this is, is using certain words and phases in my articles to try to rank higher in the search engines such as Google. If a user searches for the same or a similar phrase that I've used then my website will show up higher.
The graph below shows that people who visit my website and used a search engine has been rising steadily, especially after I started writing articles:
The Future?
The future of my website will probably entail having to switch my hosting options. Currently I have the cheapest hosting through 1and1 which costs me about $4 a month. At the rate my website is growing I'll have to upgrade or switch to another provider in the next year or so. Another headache will that, I will eventually need to stop using Microsoft Access as my database backend and use something more scalable (and works with classic asp, mind you).
And remember...content is king.
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Posted By: Neal Grosskopf @ 4/18/2009 7:46:03 PM
Kind Words & Website Launches
Mar 17
I was checking my recent comments RSS feed today and noticed two new comments, which is how I am able to so quickly respond to people on my website when they post something. What set these comments apart from others is they were very considerate ones compared to most. I figured I'd post them in my blog as a form of thanking the commenter's for giving me a self esteem boost and a good laugh. I also need an example of "quotations" in my blog/article posts because I felt like styling those with my fancy dancy blockquote styling technique.
The first comment comes from Pierre Loubert. (Oh I also forgot this also gives me the chance to show off my new comment styling as well as the ability to link directly to a specific comment).
OK, this has nothing to do with what I am looking for, but I thought I'd tell you how amazing your site design is! Wow, incredible, beautiful and it works in Google Chrome! I like the colors and the transparent "fx"s. Bravo!
I then got a second comment on my "Someone Ripped off My Website's Design! Now What?" article from "Scorned Designer" which if you follow the link he provided, is a pretty comical letter to a competitor that stole their web design.
Neal, You've already handled it pretty professionally, with a much cooler head than most people would probably approach this situation with. I've only seen one more unique way to handle the same situation, when BustedTees, put up a dedication to nerdy shirts, when they borrowed their design.
In website news you may notice, when you hover over this post (on my home page) you will see a "read more" box pop up at the bottom of the post. I added this in with a little JQuery juice. One complaint I've had about my past three renditions of nealgrosskopf.com was that my home page required a lot of vertical scrolling. I tried to fix this with my latest design by doing a two column layout for the home page. I checked my version 2 nealgrosskopf.com design and discovered that it's home page actually required less scrolling than my current one. This angered me as I thought the design would have fixed the problem (which is may, my current content may have just been longer). Anyway, to fix this shortcoming I added a "read more" box to the bottom of my blog posts and reviews, since those are usually my longest blocks of text. If you click on them it should slide down and show the rest of the post. Pretty neat, eh?
Website Launches
Finally, I launched two new websites at work last Friday which I am very excited about. They were both for our consumer line of product, whereas we are primarily a commercial washer & dryer company.
The first website is our Speed Queen Home Laundry website:
The second website is our Huebsch Home Laundry website:
I've been working on both these websites with my co-worker Brian, for several months now, and it feels great to finally get them up there. When we launched both sites last Friday, it was very stressful and things didn't go like we planned. It also seemed like people were more interested in telling me what was wrong with the site rather than what they liked about them, but I've gotten past that and am now proud of them once again.
I should point out that both sites should have the same or simliar content between them simply because one site is marketed towards Canada while the other is for the U.S. Both of these sites were also where I first learned JQuery so I'll always have a few memories with them regarding that.
Check them out and let me know if you like them.
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Posted By: Neal Grosskopf @ 3/17/2009 8:10:34 PM
Neal is... Status Update
Mar 4
Ok, it's been awhile since I wrote a blog last (almost a whole month it appears). Life has been crazy, lately, especially at work and I've been pretty stressed out. For the past week or so I've been listening to my "Bob Marley - Greatest Hits" CD alot. Reggae is really slow and relaxing music and it has helped me be less stressed out, I think on some level.
At work we're launching several new websites (many which I'm extremely proud of) and they are all on deadlines. I have two going up next Friday, the 13th (ironic date eh?) and I will post a link to those immediately for all to see. Both sites are where I got started on JQuery with and since then I have been using it alot in different capacities.
Speaking of JQuery I had a hit article last week when I wrote about - CSS Horizontal And Vertical Align JQuery Plugin. Because of that article I ended up nabbing 790 visits last thursday on my site which was really exciting.
Then earlier this week I was checking my Google Analytics stats and noticed some strange URLs in the page report. I then discovered somebody ripped off my site's web design and were going to use it for a client of their's. I then proceeded to call the company up and had a talk with them. Ultimately what happened, is the company ditched the design, lost the client and fired a developer consultant. On the flip side I wrote an article about my experience which then brought in another 758 visits this tuesday so my website has been really really busy lately, even to the point of going down more than normal.
Also, a friend and former co-worker of mine; Eric Lightbody just launched his new website ericlightbody.com. The site runs off of WordPress, but Eric did the majority of the coding himself. I've been pestering him for the last several months to finish his website and now it's finally up. He did a really great job so everyone check him out, and if you like it, subscribe to his RSS feed.
Switching over to personal life, this weekend I was really busy as well. On saturday I went to a gun show in Oshkosh with my dad. I got a picture of a FN-P90 which is basically the RC-P90 from Goldeneye/Perfect Dark. Then after that I went to the Parade of Homes with my parents which I've posted some pictures of those in my photo gallery as well. Then if I hadn't done enough Tyler called me up and wanted to know if I wanted to go see Friday the 13th with him in Madison. I wasn't too keen on driving down there and back in one night so I ended up staying the night down there in his sweet new apartment.
All my running around this weekend was fun, but depressing at the same time because money is getting really tight for me. I changed my withholding allowances at work and it has pretty brought me to $0 leftover per month now. There is also alot of chatter at work that could ultimately lead to me making less money a month which would then put me in the red. Hopefully it doesn't come to that so let's keep our fingers crossed.
On house news, I've had numerous showings. Almost every weekend I get kicked out of my house at least one day either for an open house or a showing. So far I haven't received an offer on it but it does appear that things are picking up a bit. I really don't want to live in my house anymore. For the first week after things hit the fan I was considering it, but at that point I really hadn't looked over my financial situation yet. After realizing that having no money with a nice house or having money with a typical apartment, the choice seemed pretty obvious that I had to sell my house....well our house since it's only 50% my house, I'm just the caretaker, and the dude making the payments right now. I'll miss it but it is really just a giant burden and is stressing me out alot! My house + work + divorce is definitely taking a toll on me and I hope the madness will be over soon.
Wow, I managed to ramble on alot there, until next time...
Fin.
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Posted By: Neal Grosskopf @ 3/4/2009 10:19:39 PM
Website Updates
Feb 8
I made a few changes to my website so I figured I'd blog about it. Maybe while I'm rambling on about it I'll find something else to write about as well.
Anyway(s) I recently started tinkering with a JavaScript framework at work called JQuery. I'm not completely sure why I picked JQuery, perhaps to be different than Eric who did most of our current JavaScript (which I have no idea what's going on in most the code he wrote) or it could be because I've been a RSS subscriber of John Resig for a long time and inadvertently found out, he is the creator of JQuery. I think my main reason is that JQuery seems tailored for CSS people like myself, and I like how small the framework can be (about 50K).
While I'm no expert at it yet, I have figured out how to do a few tricks here and there. I added some nice effects to my toolbar, navigation, and actions dropdown menus. I personally like the toolbar effect the most which you can demo at the top of my screen (it's a little green & white star). Some the other effects I had to pull from IE6 & IE7 since they were choking on the transparent pngs (yes I know there are fixes out there for this but this is a different situation).
I also have implemented my new code block styling technique which I have been working on and off for a few months now. This is another one of those things that won't work in IE6 or IE7 but I have reverted the old styling to those browsers as a fallback. For people with browsers that don't suck you will now get line numbers for code blocks. This is accomplished with some unordingary CSS via css counters and css generated content.
I'm also pretty excited about my CSS Diagnostics article. It got picked up by a pretty well known web designer by the name of Roger Johansson at the website 456bereastreet.com. I've been an avid reader of his blog and mentioned to him awhile back about my CSS Diagnostics article. A few months later I was checking my RSS feeds and noticed he mentioned me!
Last Thursday my site got 407 visits and on Friday I got 458 visits. This weekend I have enjoyed higher visits than normal as well. I also saw my RSS subscription counter go up to 35 subscribers. Due to this I quickly pumped out another article hoping to keep the subscribers happy. This is probably the second biggest event my website has seen since I've started writing articles and I'm very excited about it.
Writing articles on cascading style sheets is one of those areas in life that makes me proud and I would someday like to have some sort of impact on the CSS community. Having had a few of my articles get picked up on larger sites is a good start for me to achieve that goal.
As far as site content updates go, I finally added a new review after months of letting that go, and I added a new video of the monster truck show we went to this weekend in Green Bay.
The show was fun. Tyler had car troubles and we had to pick him up on the way there and ended up getting there 30 minutes late. I was impressed this year with the motocross bikes as they seemed to pull of some more risky stunts than they have in the past years.
Well that's all for now.
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Posted By: Neal Grosskopf @ 2/8/2009 8:58:55 PM
Relationship Ramblings
Feb 5
Well it's been about a month since I've posted a new blog which is a really long time for me. I probably would have posted one earlier but I didn't have much to write about. Probably the only life-related news I have to talk about is 1. my sister is having a boy and 2. I will be a single man again June 15th @ 3pm.
It's been a roller coaster ride on the relationship side of things. For the first few weeks I was getting over the shock of coming home and being the only person there (and eventually the only life form there.) My first reaction was "crap, I need wife 2.0.1.4" (the third and fourth digits are a security update). That wore off shortly and I started whole heartedly embracing the single life, which minus a few bumps towards the end of January, is still my opinion. I find that if you surround yourself with other people's failed relationships, you enjoy being single a lot more. Ironically most people aren't even aware that their relationship will eventually fail, but from the outside you can usually tell. After all only 50% of marriages are going to work out.
It's all those little things I hear people in relationships complaining about that get to me. You know "X doesn't let me watch that TV show on Thursdays" or "sorry I can't hang out with you because I'm stuck doing __ with X" or "I'm in a bad mood today because I got in a fight with X last night and slept on the couch. "
One way to look at it is I work 40 hours a week which if you tack on driving time its actually 45 hours a week. That means that I really only have 25 hours during the week and 24 hours on the weekends of time to do what I want with so 49 hours in all. I'm automatically going to want half of that time to do what Neal wants and not what some other person wants me to do, so really there's only 25 hours a week that I need to keep myself entertained to be happy and lead a fulfilling life. That's only 3.5 hours a day which isn't that difficult for me to occupy with something to do. It could be as easy as doing side website jobs or calling up my friends or family and seeing what they're doing.
The moral of my story is when you're in a relationship, you have no free time to do what you want, and when you're single you have too much free time to do what you want. Take your pick.
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Posted By: Neal Grosskopf @ 2/5/2009 7:00:10 PM
NealGrosskopf.com 2008 Year In Review
Jan 7
Intro: I was originally going post a crap load of statistics for this post but as of late, I can't movtivate myself enough to gather them all up since pretty much all of my free time has gone to Grand Theft Auto IV now. Regardless here is the unfinished post.
Well another year has passed by for NealGrosskopf.com. This year saw another redesign of my website back in June and I've been staying on track of a redesign every year now. I thought since I have a full year's worth of analytics from Google Analytics, I'd list off a few statistics from 2008 regarding my website. Maybe some of these will surprise and maybe they won't, we'll see.
2008 Statistics for NealGrosskopf.com
- Total Visits: 32,580
- Total Pageviews: 61,301
- Most Popular Page: CSS Browser Hacks For Firefox, Opera, Safari & Internet Explorer with 16,690 pageviews
- Most Visits in a Single Day: October 10th with 1,371 visits
Top Search Phrases:
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- jack handey quotes: 507
- jack handy quotes: 352
- nealgrosskopf: 73
- firefox css hack: 68
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Posted By: Neal Grosskopf @ 1/7/2009 6:58:45 PM